How To Tarry
Over the last two weeks, I have had to travel for various events. Every time that happens, I can feel the scarcity of time slowly creeping into my thoughts: how will I finish all the "regular" things with less time? Often, I find my mind and heart stuck in that place. And what I realize is that it prevents me from being genuinely present anywhere.
As I took my walk this morning, I found myself still in that headspace. My brain kept popping around from task to task, and I found myself listening to three different spiritual podcasts. Each talk was relatively short, but they each left a word on my heart.
The first one was “tarry.” We don't use this intransitive verb too often. (And no, I did not know it was an intransitive verb. I only found out when I looked it up.) I did, however, know that it's an overly fancy way of saying “wait.” It's what Jesus says to the disciples in the garden of Gethsemane in the King James version of the Bible. "Then saith He unto them, My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me." (Matthew 26:38) Jesus is asking the disciples to wait with him in His hour of need. But of course, we know they fail and fall asleep.
I'm not good at tarrying, either. I think Jesus is constantly saying, "Karl, tarry. Let's see what happens in this space. What might the Spirit do if you stop for just a moment?" As I said, I'm not good at that, and I often let my schedule drive me forward rather than wait for what the Spirit might do.
This led me to the next spiritual podcast. (I couldn't tarry any longer.) It was a 10-minute Lectio Divina on the Ritual app. Lectio Divina is a spiritual exercise where a scripture is read three different times. The idea is to listen for a word or phrase that stands out. This particular passage was the last supper in Luke's gospel where Jesus invites them to share in a meal because it will be the last one He has before the time is fulfilled.
The word that stuck with me was "fulfilled." I think I gravitated towards that because it's a word I love doing. I love to fulfill things. I love completing lists, accomplishing tasks, checking them off, and putting them aside in order to fulfill the next thing.
While I paused on that for just a moment, I heard the Spirit whisper that fulfill is the opposite of tarry. Fulfill is what happens after we wait. And we can't fulfill unless we wait.
However, in an effort to "fulfill" yet another podcast, I moved on. (See, I'm not so good at tarrying.)
The last one was a 10-minute meditation from one of my favorite authors, Barbara Brown Taylor. Now, I didn't pick the topic of any of these, they were just the next ones in my queue. Her topic was about paying attention. Through her words, she reminded the listeners of how much we miss when we don't stop and pay attention. It made me think about the streets I pass through every day on my walk. It made me think about how much I am missing from all that surrounds me.
Taylor's recommendation was to spend some time in one place and to pay attention to the world within a 3-foot radius. She invited us to notice what was right there. She was inviting us to tarry a moment in order to find the holy that is already with us.
I wish I could say that I stopped right then and there and did just that. I wish I could say that today, thus far, has been spent tarrying and paying attention, being fully present. But the day moved forward, and the scarcity of time crept back in and overwhelmed the moment. There were appointments to fulfill and tasks to complete - I had to get going.
But here is my point. Today, I became aware of a deep need that I think we all have. As a disciple of Jesus, I heard him say, "Karl, tarry ye here, and watch with me." Even though I did not quite get there today, I placed it on my heart, I will continue to try. I will try to tarry, to linger with God.
Being a disciple is about practicing and most of the time, it's about slow progress. So, my "fulfill" list today has a check box next to the word "tarry." Before I leave today, I will practice. It may only be for a moment, but I will practice so that I might notice what God is doing in this place and in that moment.
With God's Peace,
Pastor Karl
(DIT: Disciple in Training)
“Lent is a time of returning to God. It is a time to confess how we keep looking for joy, peace, and satisfaction in the many people and things surrounding us without really finding what we desire. Only God can give us what we want. So we must be reconciled with God… The season of Lent helps us in a special way to cry out for God’s mercy.”
– Henri Nouwen
